His emotions were still raging in head, the bourbon did nothing to calm his nerves. In a blur of words and scrawling something here and there he finished what was left of his paperwork. He screeched to a halt as he parked outside Rachel’s dormitory. He put his arms over his steering wheel and but his forehead on one of his arms. He didn’t realize he was gritting his teeth till he could hear his blood rushing in his ears.

Of course, he was happy that he was going to be a father; there was no doubt about that. For weeks, he’d wanted to work things out with Barbara, heck he tried before they even separated.  But now, Rachel was in his life sure it would be a week tomorrow, that their flirtation, affair of sorts had started. He knew he would have to end it with her. He felt ill in his stomach with the thought that this would hurt her. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do to her. In this short amount of time, he had really grown to care for her. His attraction to her was so intense. Sure Barbara had their share of moments, many in fact but never did he have someone like Rachel on his hands. Taking a deep breath, he got of the car and started to make his way to her suite. The night was frigid, the wind whipped at his face and coat. Strangely, he knew it was cold, freezing in fact but the flush that had consumed him made the wind felt fantastic as it hit him.

It didn’t take him long to reach the second floor. Walking down the hallway, a knot, a very tight knot formed in his stomach. He stopped halfway to her door, he needed to take a breath. Then walking the short steps over to it, he knocked. He heard some shuffling from the other side of the door, followed by her exciting saying through the door, “One minute.” It made him feel like someone hit him. A moment, later the door opened in a zip and there she stood, well more like leaned in the doorway. “Well, good evening sergeant.” She said to him, a husky tone that ripped the breath out of him, she looked amazing.

“Hello there, Rachel.” He said, he barely recognized his voice as he continued to look at her. Any trace of thought had been whipped away.

As if in slow motion, she grabbed his hand and pulled her to him, and into the room. She closed the door, with a push; she untied the belt that held his coat into place. Then she walking and pushing him gently back, his feet obeying then he felt that he was up against her door. He felt her body against him, he was staring straight into her brown eyes that were alight with something he had only seen flickers of, and they glowed with something. He could only reason that it was passion. Her hand drifted up his stomach as she undoing the buttons of his blazer, her arm was then around him pulling him close. Then he felt her mouth on his, she was kissing, he couldn’t stop himself nor did part of him want to. That’s when it hit him what was he doing, he suddenly asked himself, he squeezed his eyes shut. What was he doing, this time he screamed in his head.

She broke the kiss, he could feel her breath on his face. “It’s wonderful,” He heard her voice break, now he felt all the anguish he was feeling erupt in him, he opened his eyes. He immediately saw the confusion in her eyes, it was like a slap across the face. “To see you James.” She continued, in a shaky voice.

            “Rachel,” He said, his voice raspy. He brought a hand to her soft cheek. “I have to talk to you.”

            “Ok, lets have a seat on the sofa.”

            “Sounds good.” He shrugged out of his coat and placed it on her chair as the passed it.

            She sat down first and looked up at him, her eyes still filled with concern. “Is everything alright? Has something happened at the precinct?” she asked him.

            If only it were that simple, he mused solemnly. He sat down beside her and turned to look at her. “Rachel,” He took her hands into his. His heart felt heavy having to tell her what he was about to say, even his throat felt constricted. “Rachel,” He began again. “Barbara, came by the precinct.” He paused, she didn’t say anything, so he continued. “She told me we’re going to have a baby.”

            He watched what was clear to be worry, which changed to happiness, he was certain of it.

            “James that is truly fantastic news, you will make a wonderful father.” She said a bit strained but was cheery she then squeezed his hands.

            “I’m glad you think so,” He took a breath. “There’s something else, she wants to work things out, she wants us to be a family.

            “James, you can not imagine how happy I am for you.” She cleared her throat. The sound of it made the anxiousness he was feeling make his own throat itch.

“You’re not upset that we’ll,” He looked away.

“James, I will always, always care for you.” Softly she touched his check and pulled it so he would look at her again, he didn’t fight her. “But she’s your wife, I couldn’t dream of coming in between the two of you and putting up some type of fight. It just wasn’t meant to be. The two of you deserve to be happy, Gotham eats happiness all the time. Don’t let it eat the happiness the two of you could have together.”

He could feel his eyes moistening. “Rachel, you are a remarkable woman. For a brief period of time the two just looked at each other.

“Would you still like to go to dinner,” She paused, smiling. “as friends?”

“I would be honored.”

                Sure, on the inside it hurt that James would no longer be in her life.

“If you ever need anything, call me. Anytime.” His promise echoed in her mind, as she pulled her blanket around her. And she went to sleep knowing it was true.